Memory

Staring: Billy Zane, Dennis Hopper, & Ann-Margert
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Memory is one of the best direct-to-video/b-movies I have ever seen. How a small production company gets a cast like this is beyond me, but this was just a great movie! Billy Zane is a guy with a clouded past, who decides to use an experimental drug to restore his memory. Only to vividly remember a murder he witnessed, but was it his memory or someone else's? I don't like Zane one bit, but in this movie, he's pure genius. What was really striking about this film, (especially since it's a low budget b-movie), was the imagery. Everything is so vibrate and methodically done. First time director, Bennett Davlin, really has you sitting on the edge of your seat. It really feels like you're alongside Zane, seeing what he sees. As for the ending, I never saw it coming. I've seen a lot of films, and you've got to have a pretty good story to surprise me! It's a film you've never heard of and won't see in theaters, but it's defiantly one that shouldn't be missed.

Joan of Arcadia

Staring: Amber Tamblyn, Jason Ritter, Michael Welch, Mary Steenburgen, & Joe Mantenga
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Joan of Arcadia is an amazing show that didn't make it, because of bad marketing, and a bad time-slot. Think about this show, what do you know about it? A high school girl sees God and speaks to him, in his many different forms. That's it right? That's because that's how CBS choose to advertise this show, but it's so much more! Joan's father, Will (Joe Mantenga), is the Arcadia Chief of Police and there were many episode and background stories involving, crime, corruption, and the police. Her brother, Kevin (Jason Ritter), was in a horrible accident and is dealing with being paralyzed. That's just two of the many things about this show that you didn't know about. There are probably about ten other things I could mention, that could, alone, be the basis for a good TV show or film. Amber Tamblyn is amazing as Joan Girardi. Normally when you hear teen drama and young unknown cast, you expect the acting to be sub-par, but Tamblyn is exactly the opposite. She makes the show and gives energy and meaning to the other actors working with her. Take Chris Marquette, who plays her boyfriend, Adam Rove. I've seen him in many things and didn't like him. Working with Tamblyn makes all the difference for him here. He grows from a guest star into one of the most engaging and mysterious characters in the show! I cannot stress to you how good this show is and how it's so much more than what was advertised. There are so many stories and side angles, twists and turns, and while not a minor thing, Joan talking to God is not the focus of the show, many times it's just a scene or two, defiantly not the basis for the show. This show is the story of the Giardi family moving to a new location, following Kevin's accident, and dealing with all the struggles that come along with it and adolescents. It shows how there are still good people in this world, that not every teenager drinks, and while it sounds corny, watching it has actually cheered me up during some rough times I've had recently. It really is a great show and I can't possibly recommend it enough!

Orphan

Staring: Isabelle Fuhrman, Vera Farmiga, & Jimmy Bennett
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I was a bit hesitant to see this movie, because to me, the story seemed unbelievable. How evil could a 10 year old girl be, right? ...wrong! Esther is one crazy little bitch! I really didn't think I'd like this movie, but I loved it. Isabelle Fuhrman is amazing in this film. If the performance wasn't in the context of a messed up girl in a horror movie, she would have gotten academy notice, she was THAT good. Jimmy Bennett was also really good playing her adoptive brother, he even did his own stunts. Every time I see this kid he gets better and better, and I think you'll be seeing his name in films for the next fifty years. The parents don't really have a major role in the film, but they were equally as good. The cast was great, the lead was amazing, the story was solid, and there is a hell of a twist at the end, that in and of itself makes this film worth watching.

Cold Creek Manor

Staring: Dennis Quaid, Sharon Stone, & Stephen Dorff
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Usually a story like this is the setting for a ghostly horror movie. In this case, it's the setting for a shitty movie. The story itself wasn't that bad, but Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone have no chemistry what so ever....and then there's Stephen Dorff. THIS is the tough guy, out of prison, who wants his house back??? This little twerp?! Who did the casting for this movie? Even the kids wouldn't be scared of Stephen Dorff! I general like the people in the cast of this film, but it's like they did this movie as a favor to someone. It really doesn't flow, the characters are unbelievable, and the story was just OK. I'd say pass on this one.

Hostel: Part II

Staring: Lauren German, Bijou Phillips, & Heather Matarazzo
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Hostel: Part II leaves off at almost the exact point the first one ends and has an awesome opening scene. Last time it was the boys, this time the girls go on vacation. Once again I loved the gore and the scary story, however this ends quite differently from the first one, and too be honest I really didn't like what they did. If this is indeed just a continuation of the story of the hostel, then they could have done a lot better job closing it out. The rushed, lazy ending really left me with a bad taste in mouth. For the most part thou, Hostel: Part II is every bit as scary and disgusting as the first. If you liked the first one, you'll like this one too.

The Road

Staring: Viggo Mortensen & Kodi Smit-McPhee
Rating: 1 1/2 out of 5 stars

From the writer of No Country For Old Men, comes yet another tale about the end of the world. From the previews, I thought this movie had promise, that it would be different from other post-apocalyptic stories, but it wasn't. It's the tale of a father and son wondering aimlessly just trying to survive. Nothing is at all explained, there are weird flashbacks, and there are way too many interactions with people. Most of the world is gone, not a single animal survived, yet everywhere you go, you run into people, crazy people, most of whom are cannibals. Viggo Mortensen does give a pretty solid performance, however Kodi Smit-McPhee does not. I've never seen him in anything before, but the whole movie, he's hiding, whining, and screaming papa, it got really fucking annoying! It was awful, I felt like they kept acting out the same scene over and over again in a different location. Nothing happens, there's no plot, and the dialogue is just stupid. This movie is a huge waste of time.

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Animal Factory

Staring: Edward Furlong & Willem Dafoe
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Animal Factory is the second film directed by Boardwalk Empire Star, Steve Buscemi. The story is about what happens to a young guy who is convicted of a serious crime and sentenced to Federal prison. We've all seen Oz and other shows that take you inside, but this is different. In Animal Factory, you see prison from a totally new perspective, through the eyes of someone who is basically still a child. You see that even if you can figure out how to survive, you still witness untold horrors. Edward Furlong is very underrated and great as always. Willem Dafoe is also very good in what is an unusual role for him. The movie also has some great cameos, including Mickey Rourke as a drag queen claiming to have a vagina. It's clever, well written, and isn't what you expect from a prison movie.

The Ruins

Staring: Jonathan Tucker, Shawn Ashmore, Laura Ramsey, & Jena Malone
Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Based on one of the best selling graphic novels of all-time, The Ruins, has a lot to like, and a lot to dislike. Following the classic horror movie format, there is a ton of eye candy and gore, always a good thing. The plot isn't very strong thou. It was a great book and there was a lot to go on, but sadly the movie ignores it. You see a lot of things, but unlike the book, nothing is really explained. This movie is all visual. They focus almost entirely on the gore, and not the story, making The Ruins just another typical horror movie. A good horror movie mixes a truly scary story, with shock, awe, and beautiful people. That's the formula, and while The Ruins should have been all those things, it really wasn't.

Zathura

Staring: Josh Hutcherson, Jonah Bobo, & Kristen Stewart
Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Basically Zathura is the Sci-Fi version of Jumanji. While there are several cameos, the young cast carries the movie and you can sort of see why today names like Josh Hutcherson and Kristen Stewart are household names. The young cast does a great job, especially when you consider that most of the special effects were computer generated, and the majority of acting was done in front of a green screen. Zathura is a sweet game and an interesting movie, with an engaging young cast. It's different from what you would typically see and I enjoyed it quite a bit.

For Love of The Game

Staring: Kevin Costner & Kelly Preston
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

On the surface, this movie is a cheesy romance flick, but what makes it unique is it's backdrop. An aging pitcher, at the end of his career, looks back on how it all started, while in the middle of pitching what could be his final game. Along with the flashbacks of his baseball memories, come flashbacks of his romance, which are long and lame. The baseball part of it is what attracted me and is great. If this was strictly a sports movie, it would be 5 stars. The story of his career is much stronger than several other films dedicated to just the game. With this film you have to take the good with the bad. At times it seems like two entirely different movies and it really takes away from what is otherwise a great film.

Mambo Italiano

Staring: Luke Kirby, Ginette Reno, & Paul Sorvino
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Mambo Italiano is the story of an Italian immigrant coming out to his old school Italian family. There are some really hysterical lines in this movie, but in general I found the whole thing to have been done. Putting an Italian twist on it, was in theory a good idea, but the whole film just comes across as cliché. The gay stereotypes are outdated and the other F word is thrown around way too much. If you're looking for an original "gay" comedy, watch Sascha Baron Cohen's Bruno, that was a great movie. Mambo Italiano is just a fast moving, sexist nightmare, with the occasional great one liner.

South Park: Insult To Injuries

Staring: Trey Parker & Matt Stone
Rating: 5 out of 5 Stars

Back in the time when TV boxed sets were too expensive for the average person to buy, Trey Parker & Matt Stone produced a series of their favorite episodes on DVD and Insult To Injuries is by far the best. This DVD features "It Hits The Fan" which in response to them using the word "Shit" too often, they say it 162 times and count it out on the screen. "Cripple Fight" where South Parks resident disabled kids go at it. "Proper Condom Use" a hysterical episode where Mr. Mackey & Mrs. Chokesondick do it! ...and "Scott Tenerman Must Die" which is probably the single best South Park episode ever! This disc shows 4 of the best episodes, that really pushed the envelope and showed how cable TV gives show like this much more leeway than traditional TV.

Private Parts

Staring: Howard Stern, Robin Quivers, Mary McCormack, & Paul Giamatti
Rating: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

Howard Stern is the most misunderstood person in America. People don't like him, because of his sense of humor, but what they don't realize is how much more lies beneath the surface. Private Parts is the story of Howard Stern, from his upbringing to his marriage, and of course his radio career. It's one of the most honest films you will ever see, being that was written by and starring the man who the film is about. Besides being very very funny, the film gives you a look inside the life and background of one of America's most controversial figures. Even if you are a Stern hater, watch the movie, and then see if you feel the same way. The more you know about someone, the harder it is to hate them, and I think that's part of why Stern decided to do this film.

The Girl Next Door

Staring: Emile Hirsch, Elisha Cuthbert, & Timothy Olyphant
Rating: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

This should be the model by which all other teenage comedies are judged by. This is one of the funniest and coolest movies I have ever seen! It's that old classic tale about the loser kid in school who becomes popular when he stars dating the hot girl who moves in next door...and oh by the way...that girl just happens to be a porn star! Emile Hirsch is amazing in this movie. Not to give anything away, but there is one scene near the end where he's at an awards dinner, he's been looking forward to, that's just classic! Timothy Olyphant is amazing as always, I think he went to the John Malcovich school of how to be the perfect movie villain. I loved this movie and you will too!

Team America: World Police

Staring: Trey Parker & Matt Stone
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

When you see a film by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, you know you're gonna be getting two things. A lot of really stupid moments, that only they get, and moments of pure comic genius. Team America is your typical mix of both. What makes this movie amazing is that they do it all with puppets. Everything from action sequences to sex scenes are all done entirely with puppets. Their songs are hysterical as usual and the characters are great, but unlike most Parker and Stone movies, The story isn't very strong. To be honest, it got really old, really fast, and by the end, I couldn't wait for it to be over. You should see it for its funny moments, but overall it's not their best work.

Suspect Zero

Staring: Aaron Eckhart, Ben Kingsley, & Carrie-Ann Moss
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Movies like this absolutely kill me! The story they have to work with is top notch, the cast is terrific, and the movie sucked. The movie is all about tracking down this infamous serial killer with a horrible and gruesome reputation. They don't show what led to this reputation, any of his crimes, or what got them to that point. It's like jumping into a crappy direct to video sequel, after missing the blockbuster film that led to it. Nothing significant ever happens in this movie! Which then begs the question, what's the point in even making it?

The Perfect Storm

Staring: George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, & Diane Lane
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

The Perfect Storm is a great tribute to the men and women who risk their lives every day on the open sea for barely enough money to live on, and it is also based on a true story. I really enjoyed this film and watching the bonus features to see just how difficult it was to make, made me appreciate it that much more. It isn't without its flaws thou. The whole background story of love, looking for love, and flirting was very cheesy. The relationship between Diane Lane & Mark Wahlberg was necessary, the rest was not, such as hearing his thoughts before he's about to drown in the ocean... come on! I also didn't like the supposition as to what happened on the ship during their finally voyage. Did Sully and Murph really fight? The rogue wave? The shark? We don't know and neither does the author, it was just Hollywood getting in the way again, but overall I did like the movie and really appreciate how hard it was to actually make.

Hostel

Staring: Jay Hernandez & Derek Richardson
Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

In Hostel, two American college students go traveling across Europe. On the train they hear about a hostel in Slovakia that attracts lots of girls, so naturally they head there. Unbeknownst to them, the hostel is run by a group who mercenaries who kidnap tourists and sell them to rich people to torture for kicks. While the situation is a nightmare, the story really isn't that scary. It's bloody and very gory, but it's not going to keep you up at night. It was a good movie, I like blood and guts, but that's not how it was advertised! This was advertised as being one of the scariest movies ever and it just wasn't. If you're a horror fan, it's defiantly worth seeing, but be warned, it's more about shock and awe than it is scary.

My Least Favorite Movies!

Believe it or not, I get asked what the worst movies I've ever seen are, almost as often as I get asked what my favorite movies are. Well it's a good point! We always list and advertise our absolute favorites, but we don't often display what films need to be avoided at all costs....so, in no particular order, that's what I'm going to do right now!!! Why on earth I wanted to see these in the first place, is a total mystery!

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

The Beverly Hillbillies

Father of The Bride Pt. 2

Angels In The Outfield (1994)

The Saint

Ace Ventura: Both of Them!

Boogeyman

Hot Shots!

Hacker

Secret Window

Bicentennial Man

Coneheads

Weekend At Bernie's 2

Lost In Space

The Pest

Daredevil

Green Card

Scary Movie 1 & 3

My Father The Hero

Godzilla (1998)

White Noise

National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1

Corky Romano

Gone Fishin'

What Dreams May Come

The Brady Bunch Movie

Addam's Family Values

Death Becomes Her

A Fish Called Wanda

Training Day

Dark City

Punch Drunk Love

Color of Night

Absolute Power

Hudson Hawk

Freddy Got Fingered

The Replacement Killers

Murder at 1600

One Hour Photo

Hollow Man

Mimic

The Fan

Book of Shadows - Blair Witch 2

Blue Steel

In The Line of Fire

The Grudge

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)

Cowards Bend At The Knees

Reefer Madness

High School High

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

The Gingerdead Man (Yes... Seriously)

Talladega Nights

National Lampoon's TV The Movie

Cool As Ice

You Don't Mess With The Zohan

Curse of The Zodiac

Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders

The American

Brick

Year One

3000 Miles

The Killer Next Door

Sand Serpents

Sacrifice

That's my list, what's yours? On the right hand side of the page, you'll see a link to The Ultimate Movie Review on Facebook, there you'll be able to vote your LEAST favorite as the worst movie of all time...and while you're there, how about ya click on that little like bottom and get us some followers on Facebook!

Prayers For Bobby

Staring: Sigourney Weaver & Ryan Kelley
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

This is the true story of Bobby Griffith, who killed himself in 1982. Bobby was from a devote catholic family and was also gay. When he came out, everyone tried to "fix" him and it drove him to see himself as a bad person. This movie had some amazing performances in it, so much so that it was hard to watch. It's not just a true story, but it's also performed in such a raw fashion, that it feels like you're standing in the Griffith living room watching it all unfold. A lot of similar movies about tragic stories have been made, but none of them share the raw emotion that this movie has. Sigourney Weaver is at the top of her game and it brings out the best in everyone, especially Ryan Kelley who gives the best performance of his career as Bobby. This is as real as it gets and you will need a box of tissues, but if this is a topic that effects you or someone you know, than I highly recommend taking the time to see this film.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe

Staring: William Moseley, Skandar Keynes, Anna Popplewell, & Tilda Swinton
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I love when they take a favorite childhood story of mine and adapt it to the big screen. I am always a little weary when it's Disney thou. You never know what Disney is going to do with it, however in the case of The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe, is a homerun. They didn't shorten this film into some hour and a half movie about love. They took their time and told the story as it was meant to be told. All the kids were new to the big screen and were terrific. It's a classic tale that is over 60 years old and it's as fresh and relevant today as it was then. Two big thumbs up for the first of the Narnia tales, personally I hope they make all seven of them into feature films!

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Dumb and Dumberer

Staring: Eric Christian Olson & Derek Richardson
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

"There's shit! Shit everywhere! Shit on the wall! Shit on the window!...." That line by Bob Saget, in this prequel to Dumb and Dumber, describes about half of this movie. The Farrelly's didn't want to do this movie for fear it would diminish the quality of the original. It wasn't quite that bad thou. It had some really hysterical moments, and Hollywood chipped in with cameos (by Saget, Shia LaBouf, Cheri Oteri, Mimi Rogers, and Eugene Levy to name a few.) It most defiantly doesn't live up to the original, but surprisingly it wasn't terrible. Eric Christian Olson does a terrific job as Lloyd, the story of how they met, as well as references to the original, and the cameos make this film worth seeing. It really isn't as bad as you might think it would be.

Fried Green Tomatoes

Staring: Jessica Tandy, Kathy Bates, Mary Stuart Masterson, & Mary-Louise Parker
Rating: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

This movie shows the audience the true meaning of friendship. Set in modern times, with flashbacks to the early 1900's, Fried Green Tomatoes shows the story of two unlikely friendships...and this film has it all! Drama, Comedy, Tragedy, Murder, Slavery, Lesbianism, you name it, this film has it. It's a classic and one of my favorite 90s films. All the ladies are terrific and the story is magical. Movies like this are the reason people go to the movies. There are a million reasons to see this film, it's one you'll be talking about!

Waiting

Staring: Ryan Reynolds, Anna Faris, & Justin Long
Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Waiting is hilarious! It took me a while to get this movie, because I thought it was just another overrated trendy comedy and because of Andy Milonakis, who is the single most disgusting creature God has ever put on this planet. The movie is truly hysterical, but it lacks any real storyline. It's just people working in a restaurant and what happens during a busy shift. While the lines, characters, and game they play are hilarious, that's all there is to this film. It has no real story, discernable plot, or substance to it. It's the perfect movie to watch if you just wanna sit down and watch something stupid that you don't really have to think about.

Riding The Bullet

Staring: Jonathan Jackson & David Arquette
Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5 stars

Let me start off by saying that I love Stephen King, he's given me hours of entertainment and for that I am grateful. I am also a big fan of the lead in this movie Jonathan Jackson. Together I was expecting a can't miss movie, but it didn't quite work out that way. Riding The Bullet is just all around dull. The story was weak to begin with, the flashbacks were dull, the characters have 0 personality, and it just wasn't creepy in the slightest! If Disney made horror movies, they would be similar to this. I probably rated it higher than I should have because of my fondness for King and Jackson, but really this movie was a bore, don't waste your time.

The Invisible

Staring: Justin Chatwin, Marcia Gay Harden, & Margarita Levieva
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

A wise ass kid is severely beaten and left for dead in the woods. While comatose, he leaves his body, in order to convince those responsible to do the right thing and save his life. What a bold and unique concept and it plays out to a terrific surprise ending. I saw this one a while ago, but it's defiantly on the top 10 list for 2007. What I really loved about it, was that it was something I'd never seen before and crossed genres. Technically it's Science Fiction, but there is also a lot of Drama, Romance, and even Comedy. Justin Chatwin, I've seen him in a few things before this and he was terrible. I mean so bad that I almost skipped this movie because he had the lead. I didn't skip this and it paid off because he was awesome in it and has been good in everything I've seen him in since. This one's a keeper, defiantly check it out!

Frailty

Staring: Matthew McConaughey, Bill Paxton, Matthew O'Leary, & Jeremy Sumpter
Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

This is a great cast in a terrible movie. McConaughey goes to the FBI with an eyewitness account of a notorious murder he witnessed when he was a kid. From there the whole movie is done in flashbacks, similar to The Usual Suspects. Sounds pretty good right? Nope! In The Usual Suspects, things happen, you were drawn into the story. Frailty doesn't have any of that. It's like watching one of these lame reality shows, that takes place inside some families home. Until the end nothing happens! ...finally you get to the end and you see something! My reaction to it was, 'that was it, that's what you were building up to this whole time!?' The trailer, the description, and the cast might suck you in, but seeing this movie is a waste of time.

The Adjustment Bureau

Staring: Matt Damon & Emily Blunt
Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

First time Writer/Director George Nolfi made an excellent choice in picking this old Phillip K. Dick story to adapt for the big screen. With a Dick story, you know to expect certain things. A love story, some really cool special effects, and an ending that can lead you anywhere. The Adjustment Bureau doesn't disappoint, following the Dick model to the letter,  the story is solid, unique, and imaginative. The lead, Matt Damon, gives you exactly what you'd expect out of him. Emily Blunt along side, gives an equally strong performance. The one knock on the film has to be its single mindedness. The objective never changes and the Congressman's love for Elise, a woman he hardly knows, is borderline obsessive. It is a little slow and narrow minded, but overall it's a great story and far from predictable.

Law Abiding Citizen

Staring: Jamie Foxx & Gerard Butler
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Law Abiding Citizen is the ultimate tale of revenge. After his family is killed in a brutal home invasion, Clyde Shelton waits for the legal system to do its job, unfortunately for them, they fail him, and that's when he takes matters into his own hands. This was great, such a unique tale that really blurs the line. It's very hard to decide who's the good guy and who's the bad guy in this one. That's something that makes this film unique. Gerard Butler is amazing as Shelton. Having seen several of Butler's movies previously, I thought he was just your ordinary, so-so, action star until I saw this. He has chops in this movie and can really deliver that one line, similar to Bruce Willis in Die Hard. This movie is fast moving, action packed, and isn't the same old story. Definitely go see this one!