The Tall Man (2012)

Starring: Jessica Biel, Jodelle Ferland, & William Davis

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5 stars

The Tall Man tries very hard to be something it's not, a Stephen King story. Parts of this film reek with King's influence, but I don't think he'd be all that thrilled about it. When the film first started I thought it was a pretty good movie, but by the end I was just confused. The story follows a local resident in the town of Cold Rock, who has taken over her husband's medical practice after he passed away. That resident is played by Jessica Biel, whose performance and looks are really the only reason to watch this movie. In the town of Cold Rock, the children have been disappearing without a trace and the only thing people have seen is a tall man, dressed in black, leaving the scene. Some people say he's an urban legend, while others claim to have witnessed his abductions, and the whole town is terrified. I found it kind of funny that in a town crippled by fear, not knowing whose child could be next, the kids parents, let them ride their bikes to the store and let them play alone in the fields, it's just one of many parts of this film that just off. As I said, the beginning of this film is terrific, but then it gets weirder and weirder and builds to a conclusion that doesn't make any damn sense! I know this must of have been someone's passion and that they spent years developing it, but before you released it to the public, did you bother to watch it? Jessica Biel is sexy and a terrific actress who is way too good to be doing shitty b-movies like this. If you're a die-hard fan, check it out, she's great, but if you're not, I'd definitely stay away from this one.

The Comedy Central Roasts

The Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget

The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner

The Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff

The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen

The Comedy Central Roast of Roseanne

The past week I couldn't decide which TV series to start, so while I took my sweet ass time deciding, I figured I'd check out some of the wildly popular Comedy Central Roasts. I'm not going to rate them or list all of the roasters, because every person has only about ten minutes and everybody has their own unique styles which appeal to different people. I happened to love Gilbert Gottfried and Greg Giraldo, but I really couldn't stand Jeffery Ross or Andy Dick, other people might feel just the opposite. The purpose of a Roast is to take someone you admire and totally make fun of them, to say every thing you've ever wanted to say to them and make everyone laugh at them. What I don't understand about the way Comedy Central does their Roasts is instead of loading the dais with that person's friends, family, and co-workers, they only let them invite a couple of familiar faces, and then fill in the rest with stand up comics who don't even know these guys. I suppose it's less painful for the roasted, having a bunch of people they don't know talking shit about them, but it also leads to everyone repeating the same obvious jokes, take Roseanne for example. We all know she's getting old, she's fat, and her voice is irritating as hell, but that's pretty much all the comics had to say about her and it got old, pretty quick. The lines are hilarious and obviously written by some very talented comedians, but personally, I'd like to see the roast-ed's friends and family come up on stage and say everything they ever wanted to say. The Comedy Central Roasts are funny, entertaining, and considerably more vulgar than the old style Dean Martin roasts, but they lack something the Dean Martin roasts had and that was their own personality. Comedy Central's Roasts are mass-produced, often use the same comedians, and often get old after half an hour, that being said, they're still pretty damn funny and I can't believe some of the things that came out of their mouths.

The Truth (2010)

Starring: John Heard, Brendan Sexton III, & Erin Cardillo

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

The truth is that once you get into this movie, it really isn't bad. This film starts out as awful as can be, and if I wasn't watching it with someone else, I might have turned it off, but it does eventually get much better. In The Truth, three people who don't know each other are connected by things they've done in the past, and of course there is only one way to get them to admit what they've done. When you kidnap them, torture them, and stick a gun in their face's, people tend to become a bit more agreeable. This film is unique because of the varying degree of talent offered by this cast. John Heard is a tremendous guest star and a great secondary character, but as a lead he is ridiculously in over his head. Heard may have taken this role for the paycheck and it shows. The Killing's Brendan Sexton III, on the other hand, basically makes the movie with his outlandish behavior and his cheesy, but hysterical comments. The truth about The Truth, I wouldn't run out and buy it, but if I saw it again on TV, I wouldn't turn it off either. It's pretty well written, the acting isn't terrible, and it has it's moments.

Man On A Ledge

Starring: Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, & Jamie Bell

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Anyone who has ever seen a movie had to know going in, that this movie was about more than just a man on a ledge. Unfortunately, this film couldn't have been more ridiculous. Action movies are by nature unrealistic, but most of the time, at least some of the story is believable and makes sense. Man On A Ledge is a film that is all over the place, filled with scenes of unbelievable stupidity. The combination of corruption, theft, ridiculous moves, and lines that sound like their out of a comic book make this movie close to unwatchable. The man on the ledge has an agenda and asks for a beautiful negotiator to talk him down. Even she can see that he's stalling for time, but to what end? It leads to a totally unbelievable story with a horrible ending. I watched this film because I thought it would be different and I love both Elizabeth Banks and Jamie Bell. The cast was talented and the previews were good, but this movie is not. Man On A Ledge is just one of those movies that makes you question how stupid shit like this even gets made in the first place.

The Killing

Starring: Mireille Enos, Joel Kinnaman, Jamie Anne Allman, Brent Sexton, Brendan Sexton III, Billy Campbell, Michelle Forbes, Kristin Lehman, Eric Ladin, Liam James, & Annie Corley

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

The Killing is a re-creation of a hit Swedish show and has officially been killed by A.M.C. Again another amazing show gets swept under the rug. Even if you have the best show in the world, when you hardly advertise it and bury it on Friday's at ten, what do you think is going to happen to it? I mentioned to half a dozen people that I was watching this show and not a single one of them had ever heard of it!? That is besides the point though, my job is review the content and what I saw was very different. The Killing actually took some time to grow on me. It is everything that's advertised, but it's a bit unusual. Rosie Larsen is a seemingly innocent seventeen year old girl, whose body is found inside the trunk of a car, belonging to the campaign of a Mayoral candidate. After the premier episode that introduces us to everyone, the following episodes are broken up into segments. One closely follow every aspect of the police investigation, which is really fascinating. It's also somewhat strange as the two detectives are both in their twenties. Linden (Mireille Enos) has a past, is extremely dedicated to he job, and seemingly has no emotion. Her partner Holder (Joel Kinnaman) is young, good looking, and may have called in some favors to get the job he has. Holder is short tempered and immature, the perfect opposite of Linden, making them a very interesting pair. The next set of segments follows the Mayoral race, we get to deeply know both candidates, their campaigns, and the people who work for them, giving us an unlimited number of suspects. The last of the regular segments, features the heartbroken family of Rosie Larsen and in detail it shows how it effects each member. The story being told is one of the best I've ever seen in a TV show. No one is what they seem, everyone is a suspect, and their are so many twists and turns that you'll be doubting yourself as much as the investigators doubt their instincts. The cast is equally as good and in fact is what makes this show unique. The characters are not the type of characters you'd expect to see in this type of show. The personalities don't quite fit the roles and it leads to some very unusual, but interesting scenes. The Killing was thoroughly enjoyable and should have been a tremendous hit, but poor rating and a network that wasn't really devoted to the show led to it's demise. 

Explorers

Starring: Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix, & Bobby Fite

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5 stars

When I was a kid, Explorers was one of my favorite movies. Ever since I can remember I've had a fascination with outer space and all the possibilities that are out there. That being said, Explorers was the perfect movie to me when I was a kid, but watching it again for the first time in fifteen years, things have changed. The story follows three young boys who start having weird dreams. They decide to build what they see in their dreams and to their surprise they build a spaceship. The boys are pulled into outer space, where they meet a group of aliens who are obsessed with our TV broadcasts and use different characters and scenes in order to communicate. As a kid, the story was magical, but as an adult, it was very lame. The hysterical aliens were unbelievably annoying and all the 'cool, futuristic' stuff is now simple classic eighties cheese. As for the cast, they are terrific, obviously, that's why two of the three boys grew up to be stars. Explorers was a favorite of mine as a kid, but that's really who it's aimed at. I watched it again because it's streaming and I loved it then, but watching it now kind of ruined it for me. This isn't like the Goonies, which is good any time at any age. Explorers is a kids movie that doesn't grow up as you do.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Moneyball

Starring: Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill, & Philip Seymour Hoffman

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

If you're not a baseball fan, you're going to find Moneyball boring and a little bit confusing. I am an avid baseball fan and saw this film about the inner working of the front office to be extremely interesting and just plain awesome. The Oakland Athletics are a small market team and can't afford to put a hundred and fifty million dollar team of stars on the field every years, so how can they possibly compete? It's a problem faced by almost half the teams in Major League Baseball, while teams the Yankees and Red Sox win year after year, teams like Royals haven't made the playoffs in twenty-five years! In sports, if you can't win, you can't draw fans and make a profit, so when you can't afford a winning team, you were just screwed, until Moneyball. Based on the true story of Oakland Athletics General Manager, Billy Beane, the film follows his creation of a system to judge players on more than just the basic scouting and numbers that have been used for a hundred years. Using this system, Beane and others who followed, have been able to compete with much lower payrolls, changing the face of Baseball. Brad Pitt is terrific as Beane and most definitely earned his Oscar nominations, but where did Jonah Hill's come from? I love Jonah Hill, but his character was as generic and boring as they come. In Moneyball, Hill plays Brad Pitt's sidekick, and is nothing more than a boring statistician, I've seen B-Movie performances that upstaged his in this film! If you love sports and want to know more about the behind the scenes aspect of it, Moneyball is a terrific film to use, but if you're not much of a fan and don't really care about sports, that you will just find this film boring. It's geared to a very specific type of moviegoer and if you're not into sports, you won't be into Moneyball.

L.A. Confidential

Starring: Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, Kevin Spacey, & Kim Basinger

Rating: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

This film is the true definition of a blockbuster, that met and exceeded every expectation. L.A. Confidential is loaded with star power and filmed in a style of films thirty years it's senior. Based on a true story, Three L.A. Detectives, with different reputations and personalities, team up to solve a brutal murder that involves one of their own. The film is loaded with twists and turns that will lead you down many different paths and thanks to the quality of the acting, it's all believable. Just how good was this movie? In 1998, it received NINE Academy nominations, one of the highest number of nominations ever. L.A. Confidential also put Russell Crowe on the map. This film is an extremely exciting 'who done it' mystery that will leave you on the edge of your seat and begging for more. The story is top notch, the acting is just about as good as it gets, and you will be hard pressed to find a better mystery. I can't possibly recommend this film enough!

Turn The River

Starring: Famke Janssen, Jaymie Dornan, & Rip Torn

Rating: 1 1/2 out of 5 stars

Turn The River is a stupid story, that is poorly directed, and just plain boring. Kailey is a professional gambler who not only lost custody of her son when she got divorced, but also lost the right to even see him. She is convinced that he ex-husband is abusing her twelve year old son, the way he abused her, and she's determined to do the only thing she can about. Kailey goes on a quest to win as much money as she can, so she can get her son and take him away to a better place. First of all, we have no idea why Kailey can't see her son and we so no evidence of abuse by her ex-husband. Gambling, also infers random games of chance, but not with Kailey, honestly it's just ridiculous. The film stars X-men beauty Famke Janssen, who is quite good looking, but unfortunately very dry as an actress. Her son, Law & Orders Jamyie Dornan, is a bit more entertaining, but the role is so badly written, that no one could have made it work. A lot of things are alleged and assumed in this movie, but we aren't shown any of it. It's impossible to separate fact from bull shit, in this incredibly slow dud of a movie. The script is terrible, the acting is bland, and the direction is sloppy. If you suffer from chronic insomnia, try watching this!