Rosewood Lane

Starring: Rose McGowan, Daniel Owens, & Sonny Marinelli

 Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5 stars

Rosewood Lane is what would happen if you combined Frasier with Fear, and is the latest from Jeepers Creepers Director, Victor Salva. I wanted to like this film and I wish I could tell you that's different from all the other stalking films out there, but it's really not. The only things I found interesting about this film were the tremendous performance by Charmed's Rose McGowan, and it's unique ended, that really threw me for a loop. Normally when a film has an ending that surprises me, I love it, it makes the whole film for me, and while the curve at the end of Rosewood Lane was interesting, it wasn't enough to make up for a slow moving film that resembled half a dozen other movies. The story follows Radio Psychiatrist, Dr. Sonny Blake, and her move back into the old house she grew up in. The house holds many personal demons for her, so when she claims that someone is stalking her, the people close to her find it difficult to believe. As I said earlier, Rose McGowan was terrific and was really the only person of note in this film. It's a story you want to like, but things progress so slowly and are just so dull, that when the surprise ending happens, you're reaction is that it's kind of cool, but it doesn't make up for the predictability of the rest of this film. Stalker films are supposed to be the scariest form of Horror films, because it's a real thing that happens every day, unfortunately, Rosewood Lane doesn't have the writing or the performances to pull it off. It's a decent film with a terrific ending, but instead of leaving you unnerved, it leaves you indifferent.

Inglourious Basterds

Starring: Brad Pitt, Christopher Waltz, & Melanie Laurent

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Quentin Tarantino is one of those people you either love or hate. It's his unique stories and methodical attention to detail that have always stood out to me. For all you haters out there, the one thing you can't deny is Tarantino's unique ability to bring out the best in everyone he works with, and that is why many times, the cast members of his films earn Oscar nominations. Inglourious Basterds is another uniquely strange story that just works, because of Tarantino. As has become his signature, the story is broken up into seemingly unrelated stories that all come together in a terrific ending. The story centers around a group of Jewish-American soldiers in World War II, whose assignment was to go into France, undercover, and track down and slaughter Nazis. It's a terrific cast led by Brad Pitt, but to me he wasn't so much the star of this film, that honor belongs to Christopher Waltz, who in his first major role, did win the Oscar for best supporting actor. It's a strong story and a great film, but something bothered me about it. Inglourious Basterds is of course a fictional story, so the attention to detail, such as having everyone speaking in their native languages, seemed someone unnecessary to me. That combined with subtitles that moved at the speed of light, made the story somewhat hard for me to follow. That's why I watched it a few times before reviewing it. There is no denying that this is one hell of a story with another tremendous cast, that deserved every award that it's won, however Tarantino's attention to detail, usually a strength, did take away from the film, as a whole, and did make some parts difficult to follow.

Clockstoppers

Starring: Jesse Bradford, French Stewart, & Paula Garces

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Clockstoppers seemed like a Back To The Future rip off to me, but I'd wanted to see the it because I am a Sci-Fi geek and it was directed by Star Trek's Jonathan Frakes. My expectations weren't very high and the story, based in Science Fiction, had the potentially of being too hard for audiences to understand. The writers decided to go another way with it and put this unique, experimental technology in the accidental hands of a teenager, and then marketed the whole package to young adults. It sounded a bit sketchy to me too and that's why it took me almost ten years to see it, but what I learned from this film, you can never judge a DVD by it's cover. Clockstoppers combines Einstein's Theory of Relativity with teenage rebellion in an action packed film that will really leave you on the edge of your seat. The story starts when a former student of Prof. George Gibbs sends him a prototype, of a watch, that speeds up your molecules to the point where it looks like everything else is standing still. Prof. Gibbs soon leaves to go on vacation when his son finds the watch and wears it out, thinking it's a normal watch. Once he learns the truth, other Clockstoppers show up to try and kill him, and that's when the film really gets going. The acting and special effects aren't really what draws you into Clockstoppers, it's the story, which throws you in every single direction and leaves you craving more. This was a film that was at the bottom of my list, that I watched because it was short and it was streaming. I was just looking for something to watch before bed, and what I found instead was a terrific Science Fiction adventure that fell way under the radar.

Secret of The Cave

Starring: Kevin Novotny, Niamh Finn, & Patrick Bergin

Rating: 1 1/2 out of 5 stars

This is a film that intrigued me, because of how original it seemed to be, but in the end I was sadly disappointed. The story follows a twelve year old boy who is sent to Ireland to live with distant relatives for the Summer. Once in this small coastal village, he learns that for decades people have claimed to have heard strange noises coming from a cave underneath the cemetery. When I first heard about this film, I thought it could be a hidden gem. I knew it would be someone strange, but I really had no idea just how strange it would be. The lead is newcomer, Kevin Novotny, and he did a pretty good job, especially in his first film. Unfortunately his performance is wasted in a film that is very slow and really doesn't go anywhere. The dialogue, the town, and the characters were very weird and the direction was a joke! As soon as something interesting started, the film would jump to something else that really doesn't fit with anything else. Roy doesn't even have the courage to enter the cave until the last fifteen minutes of the movie and once he does, what he finds is extremely stupid. Novotny's performance aside, the only positive thing I can say about this film was that it wasn't predictable, because you really couldn't figure out what the hell was going on half the time. The Secret of The Cave is one that you really won't care about, featured in a film full of mumbled lines and oddballs, it seemed interesting, but it's not, you can most definitely skip this one.

The Green Mile

Starring: Tom Hanks & Michael Clarke Duncan

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I don't believe in much, but I do believe that miracles exist. Weather it's all part of the grand design or just abnormalities of nature, I'll never know, none of us will. This theme is explored in the novel and film, The Green Mile. How Stephen King came up with such a poignant and heartfelt tale is beyond me, maybe it was divine intervention, but the story of the Green Mile is a unique and moving film, the likes of which I've never seen before. The story centers around a man who is sent to death row, and once there he is able to doing seemingly impossible things. The performances in this film were Oscar worthy, building on the success of their last collaboration, The Shawshank Redemption, King and Durabont, got the biggest star in Hollywood to star in this film. The combination of a strong sentimental story along with the acting power of Tom Hanks made this film one for the ages. The supporting cast, in particular Michael Clarke Duncan and Sam Rockwell, were tremendous assets to the film and their careers were launched with the help of Hanks's experience and King's amazing words, but this film is far from perfect. As an avid Stephen King fan, I know his attention to detail has often times been his downfall and to be honest, this film is about an hour longer than it needed to be. The story, in particular the ending were so powerful, that a lot of the in between could have been left on the cutting room floor. That aside, this is a long, but fantastic film with some of the best writing and performances you could find. Like many classic films the critics love, it's a bit long, parts of it are somewhat boring, and the storyline isn't for everybody, there are plenty of people who just won't get it. I did get it and I feel the better for it. This is one of those films, love it or hate it, that everyone should see at least once.

Bones (2010)

Starring: Jimmy Bennett, Zakk Wylde, & Jonna Walsh

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Bones is a terrific independent film, that tells the coming of age story of a group of friends, and the tragic events at the end of summer vacation, that will forever change their young lives. This film brings Jimmy Bennett back together with Jesse James, for the first time since 2005's remake of The Amityville Horror and their chemistry is evident right from the very beginning. Ultimately, Bennett is the star of the film and gives a phenomenal, heart-wrenching performance as young Bones. Bennett has been acting pretty much since birth and he really gets better and better every time I see him in something. What I really liked about this film was that for the first time you really get to see Bennett be himself, a rock n' roll loving teen, making friends, and having fun. A lot of times young actors like him get tight cast as the dopey son with some cute lines and it was a real treat to see Bennett get the chance to open up and just be himself. As for the story, it is the debut from Writer/Director, Frank Pestarino, and I was shocked when I found that out. The quality of the story and the level of writing here are truly ingenious, if this is Pestarino's very first project, I can't wait to see what else he has waiting for us. Pestarino, quite successfully blends teen culture with a serious dramatic theme, and if that wasn't hard enough, he put the whole story in an era twenty-five years earlier and used a cast of mostly young and inexperienced actors. Even legendary guitarist, Zakk Wylde, has a major role in this film and manages to give a great performance. Bones has a lot of things going for it, from it's refreshing young cast to it's ingenious writing, it's ninety minutes of pure drama that can rival anything you will see on the big screen this year.

The Tripper

Starring: Thomas Jane, Lukas Haas, & Jamie King

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

From the twisted mind of David Arquette, come the Tripper, a Horror film, that he promised would change the way we see Horror. There's no doubt that Arquette set big expectations for this film, unfortunately the Tripper fell well short of achieving it's goals. A group of hippies take a road trip to this weekend music festival, in the woods of Northern California. The locals don't want them there and pretty soon, the party goers wind up being hunted, by an ax wielding man, who is convinced he's Ronald Reagan. The cast of friends that Arquette put together for this film is impressive, and there were some terrific cameos from the likes of Jason Mewes, Courtney Cox, and Pee Wee Herman, but ultimately they didn't do much to help this film. There are some funny scenes and some great lines, aside from that, this film is nothing different from your traditional, mediocre, slasher film. The one stand out was Thomas Jane who was thrilling as the Sheriff, but the scenes that didn't feature Jane were predictable and honestly kind of dull. The setting was different, the killer was certainly a nice change of pace, and the cast was top notch, but the movie itself was nothing you haven't seen a million times and I was left feeling less than impressed.

Chernobyl Diaries

Starring: Jesse McCartney, Devin Kelley, & Jonathan Sandowski

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Chernobyl Diaries is the Directorial debut from Bradley Parker and Written by the man who brought us four installments of Paranormal Activity, Oren Peli, but the only thing original about this film is it's location. A group of friends are traveling through Europe in what looks like a shot for shot remake of Hostel, when they meet a man who gives tours of the abandon city near Chernobyl. After being rejected entry into the city, the group sneaks in and runs into a whole mess of trouble. This is your very basic zombie film, with nothing extraordinary about it. You've seen this story a hundred times, but what makes Chernobyl Diaries different is that it takes place in Russia and features a talent cast. What's interesting about this cast is that none of them have any background in horror. Jesse McCartney is a singer who does mostly voice over work, and Devin Kelley is almost strictly a TV actress. Taking these role was something new for them and they really put all they had into it. I feel like it was wasted effort though, as this film really is nothing different. Friends on vacation go to a unique location and run into something supernatural that tries to kill them, it's been done over and over again. The unique location made for a great start to something, unfortunately the writers didn't know what to do with that, and the result is another ordinary film that gets an average rating.

Wilfred (U.S. Version)

Starring: Elijah Wood, Jason Gann, & Fiona Gubelmann

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

At first glance Wilfred appears to be a ridiculously stupid show, but as a longtime fan and follower of Elijah Wood, I knew he wouldn't agree to do something like that, so I decided to give Wilfred a shot. The show is adapted from a very popular Australian show and if nothing else, it is extremely unique. Wood plays Ryan, a down on his luck man going through some changes. He has a hopeless crush on his new neighbor, Jenna, who to his surprise shows up one day and asks him to watch her dog, Wilfred. The thing about Wilfred is that he is actually a dog, that only Ryan sees as a man in a dog costume. Why does Ryan see Wilfred though, is he an angel, demon, spirit, or is Ryan just hallucinating? That is really the point of the show, Wilfred is there to help and guide Ryan, but what is he and why is Ryan the only one who sees him as human? When I first started watching this show, I thought it was absolutely hysterical. Some of the things Wilfred does and some of the words that come out of his mouth are shocking and hilarious, and how they get away with that on television is beyond me. Unfortunately the initial shock of this nut running around in a dog suit wears off pretty quickly and the episodes seem to blend together. It's a great idea and a unique show, but a lot of the episodes have a very similar storyline and don't really seem to go anywhere. The reason such a weird show works so well is it's extremely talented cast. Elijah Wood has always been a favorite actor of mine and when his quiet, reserved character is matched with Jason Gann and his extreme behavior, it's like watching a whole new take on the Odd Couple. Gann is a newcomer in America and was the one who played Wilfred in the original Australian version of the show. He's been playing Wilfred for years, he's comfortable in the role and none of this is new to him, and that's why he is so terrific. The show Wilfred can be a riot, but it gets old quick, and it's hard listening to moral lessons taught by a pot smoking man in a dog costume. That being said, it might not be the ideal show to watch on DVD as I did, but catching an episode or two on TV can defiantly make your night entertaining.

Sleepers

Starring: Kevin Bacon, Robert De Niro, & Brad Pitt

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

By this point, Sleepers is legendary, not only as a film that told of the shocking true story of abuse inside of juvenile prisons, but for launching the careers of some of today's best known stars. Along with being one of Brad Pitt and Jason Patric's first major roles, it also launched the film careers of Jonathan Tucker and Geoff Wigdor. Along with a terrific cast of legends and newcomers, Sleepers brought with it an intense story, the likes of which we hadn't really seen before. The film starts out by introducing us to four boys in Hell's Kitchen during the 1960's. These boys are your typical young teens, having fun, and horsing around, when a horrible accident leads them to jail. This is where they're troubles really begin. The second part of the film jumps twenty years into the future, where we see firsthand how this abuse had a profound effect on all the boys, and the results that come from their behavior. The only major actor in both time periods is Kevin Bacon who just keeps getting better. By that point in his career, I'm sure Bacon could have play just about anyone and made it believable. Other people like Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman, give strong performance in what amounts to bit parts in support of the newcomers. Their influence can be seen throughout the film, especially in support of the child actors who I'm sure benefited from being around such legends of the screen. Sleepers is an unbelievable true story that was so well written and supported by some fantastic performances. It's not the perfect movie, but I think it's pretty close.

Summer Scars

Starring: Kevin Howarth, Darren Evans, & Amy Harvey

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

When a group of friends in Wales decide to cut school and hang out in the woods, they meet a drifter who will change their lives in the shocking true story, Summer Scars. Writer/Director Julian Richards claims that this actually happened to him as a child. At 67 minutes long, this is one of the shortest films you will ever see and still it felt like it was too long. What happened was unique and defiantly worthy of a film, but it seems to me like Richards decided to tell the entire truth of what happened in painstaking detail. What this film needed was some fiction thrown in to make the story more interesting and to space out the events of what happened. As for the cast, it was almost completely full of newcomers, some of which were horrible, but others like Darren Evans, showed some real skill and a bright future. The only veteran actor was Kevin Howarth, who played the drifter and he was terrific. The veteran horror actor really showed us in a short period of time, what this guy must have really been like and he was really amazing. It's the performances of Howarth and Evans that make this short, creepy film worth watching. Summer Scars was an interesting story, but jumped around so much and had a hard time finding direction. For long periods of time nothing happens, but when it finally does, it comes at you so quickly that you're just confused. I liked this film, but with the story they had to go with, if they had had a better cast, and spread things out a little more, Summer Scars could have been so much more than it was.

Boy Eats Girl

Starring: David Leon & Samantha Mumba

Rating: 1 1/2 out of 5 stars

Since starting The Walking Dead, I've been on a bit of a zombie craze, and decided it was time to check out and old movie that had a really interesting cover. Unfortunately, the cover is the only interesting thing about Boy Eats Girl. This was a low budget, independent film, made in Ireland, and boy does it show. The story centers around teenage Nathan, played by a much older guy, who is having girl problems. Nathan is all worried about his female trouble, when he has a fatal accident, or at least one that should be fatal. His mom, not wanting to let go of her son, uses an ancient book on voodoo to bring her son back. The story was very typical for this kind of film, however the budget was so low that parts of it looked like an episode of Goosebumps. Technical I suppose the movie is still considered rated R because of gore, even when the blood looks like V8 juice, but this film is anything but scary. Boy Eats Girl, promises a zombie film for the ages, but it's more laughable than anything else. The film is a mess of mumbled line and some of the worst effects I have ever seen.

20,000 Hits!

Hey Moviegoers, I am proud to announce in it's 26th month of existence, we have reached 20,000 hits!!! For all you mathematicians, that's over 750 views a month, a HUGE increase from when we hit 10,000! I appreciate it so much! Nothing makes me feel better than when someone messages me and tells me that they always visit The Ultimate Movie Review, before going to Netflix to watch something. To all of our supporters both new and old I thank you so very much! I hope I can continue to give you my opinions and help you decide what to watch for the foreseeable future!

Exam

Starring: Luke Mably, Pollyanna McIntosh, & Chukwudi Iwuji

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars

Exam is a dark and brilliant thriller, that plays like an old fashioned Twilight Zone episode, taking place with eight people inside a single room. These people, whose names we never learn, are there for one reason, to take a test. This exam is the last part of a grueling screening process for one of the worlds most prestigious jobs. A man called The Invigilator comes in with a simple set of instruction and then leaves the group alone. To their surprise, the applicants turn over their exams and find out the paper is blank. I have to admit that in the beginning of this film, I was bored and really didn't know what was happening, but the reason I kept watching was that I wanted to learn what they wanted to learn. While watching this film, you'll find yourself shouting out ideas, the way the applicants do. The story is not only smart, but it's extremely engaging, with an ending that you will not believe. Being that this is an overseas film, the cast was British and mostly unfamiliar to me, with the exception of Luke Mably, who was in Spirit Trap and 28 Days Later. Once again Mably is great as a character you'll just love to hate, I guess some people are just made for that. Exam is an amazing story with a fantastic ending. It's a little bit slow and requires you to think, but in the end, it's well worth the effort.

The Incredible Hulk

Starring: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, & Tim Roth

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

The Incredible Hulk, not to be confused with the movie Hulk, is the first of the individual movies that introduces us to The Avengers, and that's the only reason why I decided to see it, as I never really cared much for the character. I mean think about it, this scientist whose trying to create a super soldier tries the solution on himself, and now when he gets angry he turns into a WWE Superstar, the whole premise is fucking stupid! As for the film, it's not much better. I love Edward Norton, he's a big name and a star in his own right, but he's just about the last person I would choose to be the Hulk. His whole personality wasn't right for the part. I like his co-star, Liv Tyler too, and it wasn't that she was bad in this film, it's that her role was a joke and she had absolutely no chemistry with Norton. Tim Roth was the bright spot in the movie, as he's one of those guys who can adapt to any role and I think I'd have preferred to see him as the Hulk. As for the story, parts of it were decent, but they skipped the whole part of the story that I wanted to see! The film starts five years later, in Brazil, I wanted to see how the story started and what prompted banner into doing this. I hate superheroes and I hate their movies, but the Avengers stories have been different. With the exception of Thor, they have for the most part been somewhat realistic and believable. The story here is lame and the movie is based on special effects which did nothing to help the film. The last half hour of the movie, I felt as though I was watching Peter Griffin fight the Big Chicken and I honestly hated every minute of it!