The Tall Man (2012)

Starring: Jessica Biel, Jodelle Ferland, & William Davis

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5 stars

The Tall Man tries very hard to be something it's not, a Stephen King story. Parts of this film reek with King's influence, but I don't think he'd be all that thrilled about it. When the film first started I thought it was a pretty good movie, but by the end I was just confused. The story follows a local resident in the town of Cold Rock, who has taken over her husband's medical practice after he passed away. That resident is played by Jessica Biel, whose performance and looks are really the only reason to watch this movie. In the town of Cold Rock, the children have been disappearing without a trace and the only thing people have seen is a tall man, dressed in black, leaving the scene. Some people say he's an urban legend, while others claim to have witnessed his abductions, and the whole town is terrified. I found it kind of funny that in a town crippled by fear, not knowing whose child could be next, the kids parents, let them ride their bikes to the store and let them play alone in the fields, it's just one of many parts of this film that just off. As I said, the beginning of this film is terrific, but then it gets weirder and weirder and builds to a conclusion that doesn't make any damn sense! I know this must of have been someone's passion and that they spent years developing it, but before you released it to the public, did you bother to watch it? Jessica Biel is sexy and a terrific actress who is way too good to be doing shitty b-movies like this. If you're a die-hard fan, check it out, she's great, but if you're not, I'd definitely stay away from this one.

The Comedy Central Roasts

The Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget

The Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner

The Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff

The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen

The Comedy Central Roast of Roseanne

The past week I couldn't decide which TV series to start, so while I took my sweet ass time deciding, I figured I'd check out some of the wildly popular Comedy Central Roasts. I'm not going to rate them or list all of the roasters, because every person has only about ten minutes and everybody has their own unique styles which appeal to different people. I happened to love Gilbert Gottfried and Greg Giraldo, but I really couldn't stand Jeffery Ross or Andy Dick, other people might feel just the opposite. The purpose of a Roast is to take someone you admire and totally make fun of them, to say every thing you've ever wanted to say to them and make everyone laugh at them. What I don't understand about the way Comedy Central does their Roasts is instead of loading the dais with that person's friends, family, and co-workers, they only let them invite a couple of familiar faces, and then fill in the rest with stand up comics who don't even know these guys. I suppose it's less painful for the roasted, having a bunch of people they don't know talking shit about them, but it also leads to everyone repeating the same obvious jokes, take Roseanne for example. We all know she's getting old, she's fat, and her voice is irritating as hell, but that's pretty much all the comics had to say about her and it got old, pretty quick. The lines are hilarious and obviously written by some very talented comedians, but personally, I'd like to see the roast-ed's friends and family come up on stage and say everything they ever wanted to say. The Comedy Central Roasts are funny, entertaining, and considerably more vulgar than the old style Dean Martin roasts, but they lack something the Dean Martin roasts had and that was their own personality. Comedy Central's Roasts are mass-produced, often use the same comedians, and often get old after half an hour, that being said, they're still pretty damn funny and I can't believe some of the things that came out of their mouths.

The Truth (2010)

Starring: John Heard, Brendan Sexton III, & Erin Cardillo

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

The truth is that once you get into this movie, it really isn't bad. This film starts out as awful as can be, and if I wasn't watching it with someone else, I might have turned it off, but it does eventually get much better. In The Truth, three people who don't know each other are connected by things they've done in the past, and of course there is only one way to get them to admit what they've done. When you kidnap them, torture them, and stick a gun in their face's, people tend to become a bit more agreeable. This film is unique because of the varying degree of talent offered by this cast. John Heard is a tremendous guest star and a great secondary character, but as a lead he is ridiculously in over his head. Heard may have taken this role for the paycheck and it shows. The Killing's Brendan Sexton III, on the other hand, basically makes the movie with his outlandish behavior and his cheesy, but hysterical comments. The truth about The Truth, I wouldn't run out and buy it, but if I saw it again on TV, I wouldn't turn it off either. It's pretty well written, the acting isn't terrible, and it has it's moments.

Man On A Ledge

Starring: Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, & Jamie Bell

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Anyone who has ever seen a movie had to know going in, that this movie was about more than just a man on a ledge. Unfortunately, this film couldn't have been more ridiculous. Action movies are by nature unrealistic, but most of the time, at least some of the story is believable and makes sense. Man On A Ledge is a film that is all over the place, filled with scenes of unbelievable stupidity. The combination of corruption, theft, ridiculous moves, and lines that sound like their out of a comic book make this movie close to unwatchable. The man on the ledge has an agenda and asks for a beautiful negotiator to talk him down. Even she can see that he's stalling for time, but to what end? It leads to a totally unbelievable story with a horrible ending. I watched this film because I thought it would be different and I love both Elizabeth Banks and Jamie Bell. The cast was talented and the previews were good, but this movie is not. Man On A Ledge is just one of those movies that makes you question how stupid shit like this even gets made in the first place.

The Killing

Starring: Mireille Enos, Joel Kinnaman, Jamie Anne Allman, Brent Sexton, Brendan Sexton III, Billy Campbell, Michelle Forbes, Kristin Lehman, Eric Ladin, Liam James, & Annie Corley

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

The Killing is a re-creation of a hit Swedish show and has officially been killed by A.M.C. Again another amazing show gets swept under the rug. Even if you have the best show in the world, when you hardly advertise it and bury it on Friday's at ten, what do you think is going to happen to it? I mentioned to half a dozen people that I was watching this show and not a single one of them had ever heard of it!? That is besides the point though, my job is review the content and what I saw was very different. The Killing actually took some time to grow on me. It is everything that's advertised, but it's a bit unusual. Rosie Larsen is a seemingly innocent seventeen year old girl, whose body is found inside the trunk of a car, belonging to the campaign of a Mayoral candidate. After the premier episode that introduces us to everyone, the following episodes are broken up into segments. One closely follow every aspect of the police investigation, which is really fascinating. It's also somewhat strange as the two detectives are both in their twenties. Linden (Mireille Enos) has a past, is extremely dedicated to he job, and seemingly has no emotion. Her partner Holder (Joel Kinnaman) is young, good looking, and may have called in some favors to get the job he has. Holder is short tempered and immature, the perfect opposite of Linden, making them a very interesting pair. The next set of segments follows the Mayoral race, we get to deeply know both candidates, their campaigns, and the people who work for them, giving us an unlimited number of suspects. The last of the regular segments, features the heartbroken family of Rosie Larsen and in detail it shows how it effects each member. The story being told is one of the best I've ever seen in a TV show. No one is what they seem, everyone is a suspect, and their are so many twists and turns that you'll be doubting yourself as much as the investigators doubt their instincts. The cast is equally as good and in fact is what makes this show unique. The characters are not the type of characters you'd expect to see in this type of show. The personalities don't quite fit the roles and it leads to some very unusual, but interesting scenes. The Killing was thoroughly enjoyable and should have been a tremendous hit, but poor rating and a network that wasn't really devoted to the show led to it's demise. 

Explorers

Starring: Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix, & Bobby Fite

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5 stars

When I was a kid, Explorers was one of my favorite movies. Ever since I can remember I've had a fascination with outer space and all the possibilities that are out there. That being said, Explorers was the perfect movie to me when I was a kid, but watching it again for the first time in fifteen years, things have changed. The story follows three young boys who start having weird dreams. They decide to build what they see in their dreams and to their surprise they build a spaceship. The boys are pulled into outer space, where they meet a group of aliens who are obsessed with our TV broadcasts and use different characters and scenes in order to communicate. As a kid, the story was magical, but as an adult, it was very lame. The hysterical aliens were unbelievably annoying and all the 'cool, futuristic' stuff is now simple classic eighties cheese. As for the cast, they are terrific, obviously, that's why two of the three boys grew up to be stars. Explorers was a favorite of mine as a kid, but that's really who it's aimed at. I watched it again because it's streaming and I loved it then, but watching it now kind of ruined it for me. This isn't like the Goonies, which is good any time at any age. Explorers is a kids movie that doesn't grow up as you do.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words